AS English Coursework

Keeping up with the Kardashians..doing nothing!

We all know the Kardashians for the time that they did that thing…oh no it was the time that they helped that person, or actually, they have done nothing. They are just that extensive family that are always on the news. They can do anything and the thing they do suddenly becomes ‘cool’. Kourtney, Kim, Khloe and Rob basically had their lives already planned just by being produced by Kris and Robert Kardashian. Whether they’re on TV, in magazines or on the internet, you can never get away from them. Even headlines like, ‘Kim Kardashian broke her nail today!’ and just like that, the world stops turning.

Depressing is the term I would use, being polite. It is ludicrous.  Why do you want to follow their lives, shouldn’t you be focusing on your own? It makes me howl when I see how dramatic they are, when they as a family, have the easiest job on the planet. Being the Kardashians. Why can’t I be one? Oh yes, because I am a Willmott. When someone mentions the Kardashians, I always think of Kim, I know you do too. She is the cherished one after all. Ok, I get it, her ass is the size of Antarctica, but I do not need to log on to twitter and see a close up portrait of it. I would appreciate it if you kept them for your own enjoyment only, thanks. It is hard not to feel sorry for the others as they have such a tough life of being Kim’s siblings, how must they cope? There we are; working, cooking, sleeping and repeating. And yet they are; sunbathing, travelling sleeping and repeating. I am embarrassed to say I have watched their show; it was only to see what the fuss was about, which I later found out was nothing.

Keeping up with the Kardashians, the spectacle put on channel 151 constantly throughout the day. It is on right from the moment the majority of people get home from school and work, what a coincidence. It’s almost as if they assume people rush home to watch it, they couldn’t be more mistaken. I surge home to make sure I catch the schedule on before the Kardashians. Somehow they manage to fit the whole household into a prolonged one hour programme which is astonishing since there are enough of them to create a brigade. It is horrifying turning over the channel to be bombarded by shrieks and wails of Kardashian women.  They are a pack of hyenas – my TV volume goes straight from a twenty two to a two. I might kick-start a programme. If the Kardashians can, I’m sure Keeping up with the Willmotts would be just as pleasing, if not more.

Robert Kardashian (1944-2003) the reason this family started yet, he is forgotten about. I have no doubt that he is missed about but how can he be remembered when all we see is pictures of Kim’s naked photo shoot. Everybody always thinks she’s the oldest but she is the one that is supposed to have middle child syndrome – if you are a middle child you can relate. You may look up to her as an exemplar but let’s not forget that her latest scandal is misplacing her child. Just because Kim did it, it’s still not cool kids. There’s not much to say about Kourtney, she’s Kim’s sister by the way. She’s the oldest but smallest and I could fall asleep faster than you can say Kardashians by the time she’s finished a sentence. Khloe; the youngest girl and ‘fattest’ as she’s known to the population. If she is fat then it’s fair to say the rest of us are morbidly obese. Is she even a Kardashian? Apparently yes but with a face like that and blonde hair, I beg to differ. I think that’s just about all of them..wait, there’s Rob.  Who is Rob you ask? He is the youngest of the siblings. He should be an A-list celebrity with that sock line of his. That’s always been a dream of mine, to create that perfect pair of socks. I’m resentful. Lastly there’s Kris, the business women that has accomplished the business that I am not aware of, what a triumph. They make it indisputable that their tremendous achievement is their inventory. They have a clothes store called ‘Dash’, how authentic. Apparently that’s how they make all their investment but we all know that’s not legitimate.

The Jenners.  Who you ask? You must know Bruce Jenner, the Olympian. Winning a gold medal is a good goal which is respectable. For the rest of them, I have nothing positive to convey. Kendall and Kylie Jenner. No I haven’t made a mistake, they are not Kardashians and I bet that’s news for you. Kendall, the second youngest yet twice the size of the oldest, Kourtney. She probably has every girl’s dream being a towering, slim, high fashion model yet she still finds something to object about on every episode of their show. Whether it’s where they have decided to go on vacation that year or what’s for dinner, it’s all sincere stuff. Kylie is living the perfect life of a sixteen year old, with a Mercedes as her first car and a Gucci brimming wardrobe this shows she has everything she could ever want. She’s the delightful ‘Goth chick’ that everyone drools over on Instagram yet her face is essentially illustrated on. You’d guess her lips were authentic until you actually look strictly at one of her selfies with her famous pout and you can witness her natural lip line, disgraceful.  Her make-up artist is slacking a bit. Occasionally we do see a glimpse of Brody and Brandon. That’s Bruce’s two older youngsters by the way. No wonder they felt un-included in the family, they are competing with 5 women, good luck.

Kanye West. He actually had made a living for himself until he evidently got bored of doing that and decided to marry Kim. I bet he thought that was the effortless option, he must not have realised what he was pledging in to. North, South, East, West, I can’t remember but it’s courteous to say she has a painless life ahead of her. Scott Disick I mean the ‘Lord’. Then again, he did decide this himself and changed his status to this overnight. This time tomorrow, I will be ‘Lady’ to you. Mason and Penelope are quite charming but who pays attention to them now that North is present, nobody.

I will admit one thing.  They are somehow engaging to enough of society to keep them in the public eye. I suppose you would be pretty courageous if a fraction of the population wanted to be you and it must not be easy to scan nasty articles like this one about yourself online and in magazines, but you know they do their profession and I have to do mine.

To finalise, if I haven’t made myself clear enough, I do not like them and I never will. I think they’re a misuse of territory and time and maybe they should not earn more than men and women risking their lives for their country, but that’s just my opinion. For those of you who do adore them, it must be so tough for you to keep up with the Kardashians doing nothing. If their career is to make everyone loath them, it works.